Concert Number Two

What can I say, we are about to see a live performance of Pink Martini (the band, not the drink) here, at the beautiful Laxson Auditorium at Chico State!

Oh The Beauty

I have never in my life heard anything so moving. I was brought to tears when they performed Wagner.

Sarah and I at the North State Symphony at Chico State

I Love My Dad

Nothing like a quick game of pool at The Four Seasons Resort Lana'i, The Lodge at Koele.

Welcome To Hawai'i?

See what I mean, this is as un-hawaiian as it gets.

Another Island Another World

Another tradition of ours is going over to Lana'i and staying the night. This year only my dad and I wanted to go. The amazing thing about this island in how un-hawaiian it feels. Only 3,000 people live on this island which is owned by one man (well, 98% of it). I'll post a picture when we get to the town; it looks and feels like Tahoe.

Being Saved On Vacation

Nothing like getting woken up by mom saying were running late for church; I thought we were on vacation. Nevertheless, mass at St. Theresa's Catholic Church in Kihei is fun due to a vast amount of singing and closing hula/prayer.

A Dream Come True

It's amazing! Going to Hana on bikes is unlike anything I have ever done! Now this is a true father son moment I will never forget.

I Love My Employer!

OH MY GOD! TARGET WEST SACRAMENTO SELLS BEER! BEER AT 10% OFF. . . I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY!

It's Gone. . .It's All Gone

Nothing like losing 10 lbs of hair to usher in the summer. . .albeit a little late.

Hometown Brew

Nothing like having a beer with your brother in a hide away brewery (Beemann's Brewery in Roseville, CA)

Sugar We're Goin Down

Fall Out Boy them selves. The warm up bands were sweet, but oh God. This is more than I bargained for!

Sleep Train Pavilion @ Concord

Waiting For Fall Out Boy

Nothing like an ice cold beer and friends to have a good time sitting in the sun.

A Bridge To Far

I know it has been a while since I've made a real post...but you'll have to wait a little longer. Today I'm in Redding, at the sun dial bridge.

Finals

My last final kicked my ass. So her I am @ Bellas Sports Pub...killing brain cells that need to die! As a side note I have been here for and hour and i'm starting to feel numb...hehe

Speechless

THEY CARRY CLASSIC NINTENDO GAMES!!

I know...

I know I'm a dork but the entire store has a railroad theme and there are real palm trees growing in the store!

My God Its Open!

Fry's Roseville...SWEET!

Happy Easter

Here's looking at you kid. Have a wonderful Easter Sunday everyone.

I'm Flying Home

That's right...I'm flying into Chico. Thank you United Express!

In Coasta Mesa

This is what you find at the flea markets in So Cal!

The Homeland

My god we made it! We're in Mexico right now!

Driving Past L.A.

Amazing, simply amazing.

How Cool Is This

Nothing like what you find on a quick stop for pilsner glasses.

Oh My God!

Here I am in Hollywood...at a Bubba Gumps! What an unexpected surprise.

On Our Way To Mexico!

Here we are in Rocklin, picking up Toph's brother (Kenny). Only 600 miles to go!

There She Is

I know...where in the nose bleed section...but its worth it!

A Night Out With My Dad

Here we are, waiting for the show to start. We are at Laxon Auditorium at Chico State, about to witness Lily Tomlin do her magical comedy routine.

The Number 23

Ok, I'll just cut to the chase. . . go see this movie.



This movie proves once and for all that Jim Carrey can play a serious roll, and play it well.

Like Robin Williams in "One Hour Photo," "The Number 23" will freak you out with its in hidden messages and the unusual darkness that only Joel Schumacher can bring of our beloved Carrey.

Enjoy!

P.S. you'll notice that I am Blogging at 11:12 PM. 11+12=23

And So It Begins

Nothing like 7:30 mass before class.

So Lent Is Here Once Again

Lent is here once again. And as a billion Catholics around the globe make personal sacrifices these 40 days and 40 nights (not counting Sundays because that is when Jesus arose, and is not appropriate for fasting; it's a day for celebration), here is the list of what I am giving up.

• The required no meat on Fridays and Ash Wednesday
  
• I will not use my credit cards (unless I'm flat broke and I need to buy groceries or gas)
• I will not eat fast food or go out to eat (excluding Sundays, business lunches, Jamba Juice, Starbucks, or Denny's for the occasional "Blakers")
• I will go to Church every Sunday during Lent
• I will stop smoking (cigars, cigarettes, my pipe, or hookah)
  
• No SEX* (thats right folks, no intercourse, no cunnilingus, no fellatio, no. . .well you get the point.)

Now this is very progressive for me, I usually give up caffeine or something along those lines. But to quasi quote John F. Kennedy, "I choose to do this not because it is easy, but because it is hard."

I hope that this radical change will bring me to where I need to be, and take away the numbness that I have been feeling for so long.

*Now to make sure I don't go completely insane, masturbation and kissing are still allowed.

Insert Title Here

Have you ever walked around after it has just rained? It as if the world has cleansed its self of all the grime, dirt, and trash that has been pilling up since the last time the earth grew anew. And as you walk you are surrounded by this deafening silence, as if your surrounding do not know weather to applaud this progressive movement forward; or to cry in anguish as they see the world that they created around them destroyed in one swift movement of God's hand. You notice that out of destruction, new life starts to form.

You take a deep breath.

You feel all your animosity, all the pain that has been festering inside you, start to diminish in size. What you have held on to, what has made you second guess every action you have committed in months past, starts to fade away.

You exhale.

It's 2007. It has been one year since the start of the most difficult year of my life thus far.

In the process of twelve months, I have lost a grandfather. I have lost an uncle. I have lost a women that I though I would spend the rest of my life with. I was placed on Academic Probation. I let slip through my fingers a person that wanted to make me happy. I gave my heart away to someone who lied about the way she felt about me. I lost direction of who I am.

And every time I started down the road towards self repair, I was blindsided by the very people who I trusted just moments before.

Jenn cheated on me, and I foolishly gave her another chance. She broke my heart a second time. I foolishly asked for another chance. But my words fell upon deaf ears and a mute heart. I saw her the other day. I remember thinking to my self "why did I let this one get to me?" To be honest I do not know. Maybe it was her youth. Maybe it was her fear of the world outside of Chico. Maybe it was her virgin eyes that were starting to see life outside of High School. Nevertheless, when I saw here the other day, she was not the same person that I fell so deeply in love with. She looked older. Her eyes were listless behind a false image of mediocre excitement. She walked as if she was carrying the weight of the world. It was if she had aged 7 years since we were together. We struck up a conversation. She is still with her manager. She is doing quite well.

She in engaged now, and I wish her the best.

Elizabeth was the one I let slip through my fingers. All she wanted was to make me happy. She was there when Stephanie and I were no more. She was there in spirit when my grandfather died. She took me to see my favorite comedian; Gabriel Iglesias. She took me on a tour of the Mormon Temple in Folsom. She introduced me to a world I knew very little about. She was there to help me pick up the pieces when Jenn first broke my heart. She was there. And when I realized everything that she had done for me, for us, it was to late. She was with someone else.

She is engaged and pregnant with her first child; I wish her all the happiness in the world.

Stephanie what my love. She was my life for two wonderful years. We traveled every chance we got. To us, there was no boundaries where we could go. But she knew we were not meant to be. I tried everything to make her fall in love with me all over again; but nothing I could do would work. And when it ended, I forced my self to move on a fast as I could. I was running, running away from hurt, from anger, from the pain of being alone. And when I was truly alone months later I realized that I never dealt with the fact that we would never be together again. She moved on, but I had not. I will always love her. The world was passing me by, and I was standing still, memorized by the blurring streak of people passing me by.

She is engaged and pregnant with her first child; I wish her happiness in the years to follow. She out of everyone deserves to be happy.

So here we are today; rushing head first into a new year. And how am I you ask? Well, I am here. How I am feeling after all of this?

Numb.

No matter what I do, who I'm with, or what I accomplish, in the end I feel numb. For so long I was a small vessel on an empty sea. Being buffeted by the waves of self loathing, engulfed in the lack of self efficacy, never knowing if I would return to the home of self worth. And at points where it seemed as if I could not make it, my closest friends stepped in, to point me in the right direction.

Home is in the distance, I can see it. I hope to reach it soon.

I Need To Say Something...

I know it has been awhile since I have made a "real" post. And I promise that tomorrow you will find one.

The thing is I need to let all my ideas settle so I can format it into words.

Trust me there will be plenty to read about.

I saw Jenn today. . .

W.O.W. Now That's A Line

So here we are, at the Chico Mall, waiting till midnight so Toph, David, and Nicole can pick up there copy of Burning Crusade (looking at Toph's recept, he pre-ordered it on Feb. 12th, 2006). Here is a picture of the last 3rd of the line about 20 minutes ago. Since then the line has grown by about 50 people. You know that these people are not going to sleep for the next couple of days.

An Almost Perfect Game

Almost! ALMOST! Well anyways congrats to Toph for getting 11 out of 12 strikes for a total of 279.

My First Benihana Experience

Nothing like drinking ice tea out of a Buddha and a Samurai, plus for some extra dough you get to keep the glasses!

Happy New Year!

Now this is how to usher in a new year! Nothing like champagne, a good cigar, and friends that are there for you no matter what.

Merry Christmas

Wii Have A Rare Moment

I have never seen this happen before, not even in real life. As you can see David (in Blue) has tied Toph (in Green). Good game guys, good game.

One...Two...Three...Breath

What a week. Like millions of Americans, young and old, the stress of finals came upon us this week. And with Friday with only a couple of hours away the ordeal is almost over. But finals were not the only fun part of this week, or for that matter this month. Lets see. . .

As mentioned before it seems that everyone has someone, leaving me to wallow in my own loneliness. Stephanie has her fiance, Lizzy has her "husband," Jenn has her new boyfriend who is 25 (recall that she ended it because I was to old), David has his Nicole, and even Topher potentially has someone. But you know what, I may be hurting now (and God is it a gut wrenching pain), but I know the best is yet to come. I will be ok, who know what the future holds.

But one of the big highlights this month is two weeks ago I made a purchase that has changed not only my life, by my roommates as well: I bought a Wii.

Oh my God this is the worlds greatest gaming system. Wii Sports (the game it comes with) takes full advantage of its unique Wiimote. This controller is amazing. If you tend to get gutter balls when you bowl in real life, the Wiimote picks up how you throw the ball, and you tend to get gutter balls in the game. In baseball it picks up the power you put into the swing, as well as golf. Now boxing is the coolest of the games, you cover your face, your avatar (or Mii as they are called) blocks their face. You move, they move.

Yet the coolest function is the "virtual console," an online store that you access through the Wii (it has integrated WiFi) where you can buy games from the libraries of the following systems:

• Nintendo Entertainment System
• Super Nintendo
  
• Nintendo 64
• Sega Genesis
• NEC Tubrographx 16

So far I have downloaded Maro 64, Bonks Adventure, Sonic, Ecco the Dolphin, and the original Zelda.

Did I mention that it also plays GameCube games?

A Kick To The Gut

In the back of your mind you always hope that things will return to the way they were. That maybe some day you will wake up, realize that you let something special slip through your fingers, then fight to get it back. But what do you do when the other person does not want you back?

Life is funny in the way that everything tends to come at you all at once. If you have been reading my blog you know how lonely I've been. What very few of you know is that I asked Jenn if she would take me back.

Her reply was "I don't know, I have all these guys liking me right now."

So what was I suppose to do, wait for her to make up her mind? I care for her so much that I told her not worry about me, and I started along the path of break-up recovery. I was doing fine till Toph called me at work.

"Blake," he said, ". . .Stephanie is getting married."

I went silent, I could not breath, my stomach was wrenched in pain. Suddenly every moment I spent with her over our two year relationship flashed before my eyes. Mexico, Hawai'i, Tahoe, every picture I took of her, the time she came down with me to visit my family, the pictures of her I have still up in my room, everything came rushing forward as if a mental dam that was holding everything back suddenly defaulted. Then the worst of it hit, how much I still care for her. Over the past month it was as if our friendship had grew anew. We were talking, having fun, going out to lunch together. I even helped her with a group project she had. I started thinking that maybe someday, someday, we might get back together. We were only broken up for 11 months, who knows what the future held. I guess I never really moved on.

Brittan said it best, "Even though the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer, there is still light." I know I must move forward. . .I can't backtrack.

Steph, I wish you all the luck in the world. I love you then, and I love you now. Never ever forget that.

I Sold My Soul To The Devil

Yes, you guessed it, I created a myspace account. Hell has frozen over and I gave in.

A Little More Uplifting

After reading my last post I decided that I should follow it with something a little more upbeat.

Thanksgiving 2006

Here are the pictures from my Thanksgiving, nothing really formal, all just taken for fun.

Plus, I will have to admit that I have fallen in love with the Fruit of the Loom commercials. Here is my favorite one, please take a moment to enjoy.

Feeling Left Behind

I feel as if I must warn you before you read my post. This is me whining.

Thanksgiving, a time to be with family, filled with good food and warm feeling towards each other, a holiday I enjoy every year. Except this year was different. For the first time in 9 years I have not had anyone come with me; for the first time since grade school I felt very, very alone. I found my self rushing up to Chico Friday morning not for work, but to be with someone. When I arrived I realized that there was no one waiting for me, that I had no one to call to come over, I had no one to hold, I had no one.

Everyone has moved on. Lizzy had her boyfriend who will marry her likes she wants. Stephanie is in a relationship that she fought to obtain. Jenn has move on, and fell in love all over again. Hannah moved back to her family, leaving Chico and everyone behind. Here I am, standing still, watching the world pass me by.

All I want is someone to hold, someone to fall asleep next to, someone who I can fall in love with, someone who will love me back. Yet, unlike the past I do not want to rush into anything, I want to fall in love, put everything on the line, gamble, and see if she responds.

I have become paranoid. I will check my cellphone several times a day seeing if anyone has called, and when the message board is blank, my heart sinks a little bit lower. . . a little bit lower. When I receive a text message, my stomach becomes entangled in knots, because I know that she is happy with someone who is not me. The funny thing is I don't exactly know what I'm looking for. I guess a part of me is hoping to hear her voice, telling me that she wants me back, that she can't live without me, that she loves me, and she misses being held by me.

The Silent Ringing Of My Cell Phone

I love it when it rains. Its beauty hits you the first time you walk outside. The only thing you hear is the wind and the rain cleansing your surroundings. The scent of wet leaves invokes memories of hot tea and exotic potpourris at some distant herbal store. And as you walk you start to feel as if you are walking on new ground.

I was sick this weekend; it knocked me out for 3 days. This weekend I felt a way that I have not felt in a while: alone.

I've been sick before, but someone was always there to take care me, to keep me company, to hold me. But this weekend, for the first time, no one was there.

It first hits you when you notice how quite your phone is. No one calling to check up on you, no one seeing what you’re up to. The next thing you notice is at night, when your bed seems so big because you are the only one in it. That is the one thing I truly miss about relationships; sleeping together (Stephanie was over almost every night for 2 years. I hate sleeping alone). Lastly, how alone you feel when you wake up, no one there to snuggle with before you must start your day.

Now I must clarify Topher and David did help and they were there, but you know what I mean. I hate being alone.

Let's Shake Things Up

Well, after 145 postings and almost 18 months of the same bland template, I thought it might be time for a little change.

What do you think?

Walking Shasta Dam

This is North America's largest concrete dam. You could build a 3 feet wide by 3 inches deep sidewalk around the equator twice with the same amount of material. Dam!

More Oliver Stone

I got to shake his hand. How sweet is that!

Oliver Stone Here @ Chico State

Let The Lame Duck Presidency Begin!

Oh what a great day to be a Democrat in America! Regardless of your political affiliation, yesterday was proof that democracy is alive and well in the US of A. Unlike many other midterm elections, Americans came out in force to vote. Around the country many faced long lines, glitches in voting software, harassing phone calls, and even a shooting that forced the lock down of a polling place here in Chico. Yet, through all this, we spoke in one unified voice that said "We are tired Mr. Bush." Some may argue that we have been in a lame duck presidency since 2005, which I will agree with; but today, November 8th 2006 is the official beginning of the end of Mr. Bush's administration.

For the first time since the 1992 through 1994 period under President Clinton the Democrats are in the process of gaining majority in both houses. With the House confirmed (congratulations to Nancy Pelosi becoming the first women and Californian speaker of the house) and the Senate one member away (all eyes on Virgina), it looks as if the next two years are going to be a wonderful time for social programs and the mental/physical wellbeing of America and the World.

And as if this day could not get any better, God smiled upon us and gave us one more reason to smile: Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. Now here is a man that weeks ago blamed all the problems with Iraq on the Generals and other leaders fighting the war; never once taking blame for anything that has gone wrong. He needed to resign a long time ago, and I am happy he finally came to his senses and quit. Maybe now Bush will listen when we say we want our friends, our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, to come home.

The G.O.P was put on notice yesterday, they are now forced to listen to what we, the American people, want. Somewhere down the road during the 12 years that they had control they lost sight of what we sent them there for, to better America. Even the country's top Republican (Schwarzenegger) took notice, and subsequently retooled his campaign, became one of the the first in his party to move to the left, support green technology and stem cell research, distance himself away from Bush, and won reelection. The key point is we, the Democrats, no longer need to move to the right.

It is a great time to be a Democrat in America.

It is a great time to be an American.

This country, if not the world, is about to change, and for the better.

Oh What A Find

Now what is so special about these stamps? Let me tell you on how I came to find this item.

It all started with Toph giving me a call right after work. He was looking to smog his car, and asked if I knew of any good places in Chico. Since I can only smog my car at home (It is registered in Loomis where Smog Check II is required [about $60]. Chris registered his car here, in Chico, where Smog Check I is required [about $40]), I asked a coworker if he knew of any good places. He recommended a place called "Smog Busters" up in Paradise.

Now this place is cool. It is a combination garage, deli, coffee shop, and antique store. So while we were waiting for them to finish on Chris's car, I took the opportunity to look around.

That is when I found these. . .



This is a sheet of 20 Marilyn Monroe stamps from 1995, unused, "mint" condition. Price: $10.50

So after some debate, I decided to buy them. When we got home I grabbed the stamp catalog I usually order from to see how much they are going for.

I was shocked.

They are going for $49.95



What a find indeed!

Oh My God! It's Back!

THAT'S RIGHT BABY! THE McRIB IS BACK!
(Panda, you know what I'm talking about!)

One Month Three Days

One month and three days. That is how long Jenn and I lasted. One month and three days.

Last night, after work she came over. The night started with the infamous lines "we need to talk."

The key topic: age.

To be honest I always thought that I would be the first one to throw in the towel.

I was wrong.

In the end five years was to great for her (myself being 23 and she being 18). We were at a standstill, I did not want to go back to that age (as a side note I admire Toph on how well he interacts with that age group) and she did not want to jump into mine. I always thought it might work out, but after this past weekend I knew thing would be difficult.

Jenn is at that stage in life that we all went through, and most of us do not want to return to. Fresh out of High School and newly 18, the way she views the world is in the process of changing. Right now, some of her friends are moving away, getting married, joining the service, having children, and in some cases not changing at all. Every experience is new, getting drunk off of cheap beer and liquor because no parents are around, starting your own sexual discovery and identity, and deciding weather or not to enter college or the workforce. We all must go through this for this is what makes us who we are today.

Now I'm not advocating that I have figured out everything in my live, I'm just stating that I do not want to go back to that point. This weekend I saw what I left Loomis for, true childless. A group of people still stuck in the "guess who is dating who" and "guess who's fucking who" mentality of life. I saw how Jenn was struggling to give that life up for me, but in doing so I could see that she did not want to say goodbye.

Last night we parted ways. I will always care for her, she injected the joys of youth into my life. She told me that I showed her what the world has to offer, and in a couple of years she will be ready for a guy like me.

I know your reading this Jenn. I want you to know that you have touched my life. If I can tell you one last thing that would be to live life to the fullest. Understand that right now nothing is impossible. Don't let your friends walk all over you. Stand up for your self and never give up fighting for what you believe in. Realize that you are beautiful and you don't need artificial means to project that. You are entering a stage in your life that will have a lasting effect on how you perceive the world. Enjoy every moment of it, and smile while doing it.

One month, three days. Tick, tick, tick, single.

The End Of A Program

What A Beautiful Day

I love California. On a day where half the country is under snow, extreme cold, or rain, we get a day with warm weather and lots of sun. Plus, unlike other Saturdays, I get to enjoy it.

My shift was cut today due to an over budget of +100 hours. So what am I going to do today? Relax.

Here is my plan for this afternoon:

Buy a paper

Pick up some beer (I'm thinking Alaskan Amber and Lost Coast Great White)

Pick up some cherry pipe tobacco

Maybe have a cigar

Clean my rifle (I haven't cleaned it since I took it to the range)

Relax with David and Toph

I think I can do all this before I have to go to the costume party with Jenn.

Oh, and before I forget, remember to set your clocks back one hour tonight.

A Much Needed Update

A lot has happened since the last time I've posted something serious (which was my recap on the camping trip).

First, I got a quasi promotion at Target. I'm now a Human Resources Team Member, which has the added benefit of teaching me about Human Resources its self. An area I've thought about entering after college. I will admit I'm enjoying the position more than I though I would. I love learning about the rules, regulations, and bullshit that go into running a multi-billion dollar company.

Second, Midterms are over! Enough said.

Third, I bumped into an ex-girlfriend of mine. Most of you remember her (it was Tracy), and it was great. We haven't seen or talked to each other in a little over three years. There we were standing by the library, chatting for two hours, catching up.

Fourth and final: the conclusion to the camping trip saga. On that wonderful night I ended the phone call with "If you want me back you have to fight for me," and to make it a little more difficult "you can't talk to me, you can't see me. I want nothing to do with you for the next couple of days." A week must have gone by. I would come home and there would be flowers in my room, pictures of the camping trip on my door, and notes on my car which would greet me when I would get off of work late at night. I racked my brain trying to figure out what I was going to do.

Do I tell her to leave?

Do I take her back?

What do I do?

Finally, I knew what I was going to do. In an extremely rare moment of forgiveness, and against every fiber in my being, I took her back. I will be honest, the death of my uncle Bill and Pat five years ago had a major roll in my decision. If this would have happened two months ago the my reaction would have been very very different. Yet, I forgave her. I don't know why, but I did. I hope I don't regret my actions.

By the way, here are the pictures from the camping trip. There are no captions because they are pretty self explanatory.

Un-beer-able Camping

If you are wondering, the one of best part of that weekend was meeting a guy named Chris (the guy with the glass of beer). He was an independent beer distributor who happened to bring 2 pony kegs and a portable tap. The beer was ice cold Alaskan Amber (a new favorite of mine) and Bison Creek Ale. Right when he set up camp he introduced himself and told us one thing I will never forget; "Drink as much as you can. I can't finish it all!"

Nothing like camping by a lake in the mountains, with a pack of smokes, unlimited beer, good food, and great friends.

This Has To Be A Record

Here I am, sitting by my computer at 11:20 at night. What's so great about this you ask?

I just got out of a midterm. That's right, I got out of class at 11:01 PM.

The class: HCSV 433 "Financial Management of Healthcare Organizations"
Start time: 6:00PM
How many students were left when I finished: 5

I'm so wiped out, I can barely type.

The Things You Do When Your Driving To The Middle Of Nowhere

On Our Way To Fresno

Getting Back To A Normal Routine

These past two week have been hell, and right when things are starting to turn around, I get kicked back down to the ground.

So here is what happened this weekend.

Monica (my sister) and I were suppose to go camping this weekend. We talked about it about a month ago and we were dead set on going. Yet, with the death of my uncle Bill, and her fear of having to drive to Chico by her self, she bailed on me. I know I did not want to see if I could work (never turn away from a work free weekend), so I decided to still go camping. Now this is where Jenn enters the story.

I met Jenn this summer. It was the night the Lizzy came over because she had been on vacation for a week. And there was Jenn, lying on Chris's bed, watching Brokeback Mountain (on a date with Topher if you will). The next day I ask Toph if we are ever going to see her again, to which he replied no (choice words omitted). A couple days later she texted messages me and we start to hang out. I never thought about a relationship with her because after being with Steph for two years, I wanted to be single for a change (that was nine months ago). And then my uncle Bill died.

Something changed inside me last week. I met with Steph before I headed down to my family. And after listening to her talk about this guy she is with and how we would never be together again, I knew I had to move on.

I arrived at my parents’ house late Thursday afternoon. This is the third funeral in under a year for my family: Great Uncle Frank, Grandpa Rogelio, and now Uncle Bill. The funny thing about all this is this is the only time we get to see the extended family, even though we all live in the Loomis-Roseville area.

But thought out the whole ordeal there was one person on my mind and in my thoughts; that was Jenn. She called me as the weekend progressed to see how I was doing, letting me know that she was there any time, with a shoulder to cry on. She kept me strong and she was by my side (in sprit) when we laid him to rest right next to my Grandma Hazel and his cousin Danny. She was there when I needed her the most.

Coming back to Chico I knew I had to ask her to be mine. I brought her flowers to work, called her when I thought about her (which was often), and called her best friend to let her know what my intentions were. The best part of all what Jenn was starting to fall for me all over again. The conclusion of all this was the camping trip. I asked her to come with me, I asked her to be my girlfriend.

I was happy; I did not feel alone anymore. The air was clean, the lake was pristine, and Toph's presence made us smile. Nothing could go wrong. I had my best friend, I had the girl of my dreams, and I met a beer distributor named Chris who told us to drink up because he brought three full kegs of beer he was not going to finish (this guy brought a portable tap and everything, he was the best camping neighbor ever!).

Sunday nigh, back in Chico, I call Jenn to tell her good night. She tells me that she is thinking of me and that she cares for me and that she starting to fall in love with me. I tell her how happy she has made me and how great this weekend was. I end the call with "be careful sweetheart" because I know how here friends get when they're drunk.

The phone rings at midnight thirty, its been 20 minutes since I told her goodnight.

"Blake, I don't deserve you."

"What do you mean sweetheart?"

"I just slept with Andrew"

"Just now?"

"Yea. . ."

God this hurts, I need a moment . . . .

A Rare Happy Moment

A beer, burger, and a cigarette at the Bear. A meal for a heart broken man.

How Fucked Up Is This?

Returning To Chico

It's nice to return home, sleep in your own bed, and collect your thoughts. My uncle Bill was to young, only 62.

I read this poem during the funeral on behalf of my Aunt Ronda, its titled "The Dash"

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on his tombstone from the beginning . . . to the end.

He noted that first came the date of his birth and spoke of the second with tears,
but he said that what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that he spent alive on earth,
and now only those who loved him know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own; the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard, are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left. (You could be at "dash mid-range.")

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and what's real,
and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And . . . be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

How are you spending your dash? How am I spending mine?

All We Are Is Dust In The Wind

My Uncle Bill
Monica & Katie's 8th Grade Graduation
June 4th, 2003
From Right to Left: My dad, my uncle Bill

August 21, 1944 to September 13, 2006

Today my uncle Bill lost his battle against cancer. It all started with a trip to the doctor for back pain and a bad headache about a month ago, and ended up with a diagnosis of cancer of the Liver and Pancreas, as well as a mild stroke.

He was only 62. He is my dad's older brother, and Grandpa Tony's first born.

There is so much I want to say. . .but I don't type anymore.

Last Week Surprise

So I'm walking home from class last Thursday when I get this call from Lizzy.

"What are you doing tonight"

"Nothing important, why?"

"I have two tickets to see Charlie Murphy and the Punchline, are you interested?"

So of course I sad yes. She picked me up at 5:30 and we were off to Sacramento. All in all the show was ok (Gabriel Iglesias was by far better), with the best part of his routine being the end where he talked about his stint on the Chappelle Show.

Here is a clip of what made Charlie Murphy his own, and not just Eddie Murphy's brother. Enjoy!

A Powerful Voice

On our way home from work, Hannah (my neighbor who also works at Target; we car pooled today), played me a song. It was Pink's "Dr. Mr. President." I knew I had to share this song with everyone, so I youtubed it. This is not the official music video (because there isn't one), but it's one of the best I've seen tonight.



Please, listen to the lyrics, feel the song. If you are moved like I was, you will find your self with new respect towards Pink and her music.