One...Two...Three...Breath

What a week. Like millions of Americans, young and old, the stress of finals came upon us this week. And with Friday with only a couple of hours away the ordeal is almost over. But finals were not the only fun part of this week, or for that matter this month. Lets see. . .

As mentioned before it seems that everyone has someone, leaving me to wallow in my own loneliness. Stephanie has her fiance, Lizzy has her "husband," Jenn has her new boyfriend who is 25 (recall that she ended it because I was to old), David has his Nicole, and even Topher potentially has someone. But you know what, I may be hurting now (and God is it a gut wrenching pain), but I know the best is yet to come. I will be ok, who know what the future holds.

But one of the big highlights this month is two weeks ago I made a purchase that has changed not only my life, by my roommates as well: I bought a Wii.

Oh my God this is the worlds greatest gaming system. Wii Sports (the game it comes with) takes full advantage of its unique Wiimote. This controller is amazing. If you tend to get gutter balls when you bowl in real life, the Wiimote picks up how you throw the ball, and you tend to get gutter balls in the game. In baseball it picks up the power you put into the swing, as well as golf. Now boxing is the coolest of the games, you cover your face, your avatar (or Mii as they are called) blocks their face. You move, they move.

Yet the coolest function is the "virtual console," an online store that you access through the Wii (it has integrated WiFi) where you can buy games from the libraries of the following systems:

• Nintendo Entertainment System
• Super Nintendo
  
• Nintendo 64
• Sega Genesis
• NEC Tubrographx 16

So far I have downloaded Maro 64, Bonks Adventure, Sonic, Ecco the Dolphin, and the original Zelda.

Did I mention that it also plays GameCube games?

A Kick To The Gut

In the back of your mind you always hope that things will return to the way they were. That maybe some day you will wake up, realize that you let something special slip through your fingers, then fight to get it back. But what do you do when the other person does not want you back?

Life is funny in the way that everything tends to come at you all at once. If you have been reading my blog you know how lonely I've been. What very few of you know is that I asked Jenn if she would take me back.

Her reply was "I don't know, I have all these guys liking me right now."

So what was I suppose to do, wait for her to make up her mind? I care for her so much that I told her not worry about me, and I started along the path of break-up recovery. I was doing fine till Toph called me at work.

"Blake," he said, ". . .Stephanie is getting married."

I went silent, I could not breath, my stomach was wrenched in pain. Suddenly every moment I spent with her over our two year relationship flashed before my eyes. Mexico, Hawai'i, Tahoe, every picture I took of her, the time she came down with me to visit my family, the pictures of her I have still up in my room, everything came rushing forward as if a mental dam that was holding everything back suddenly defaulted. Then the worst of it hit, how much I still care for her. Over the past month it was as if our friendship had grew anew. We were talking, having fun, going out to lunch together. I even helped her with a group project she had. I started thinking that maybe someday, someday, we might get back together. We were only broken up for 11 months, who knows what the future held. I guess I never really moved on.

Brittan said it best, "Even though the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer, there is still light." I know I must move forward. . .I can't backtrack.

Steph, I wish you all the luck in the world. I love you then, and I love you now. Never ever forget that.

I Sold My Soul To The Devil

Yes, you guessed it, I created a myspace account. Hell has frozen over and I gave in.

A Little More Uplifting

After reading my last post I decided that I should follow it with something a little more upbeat.

Thanksgiving 2006

Here are the pictures from my Thanksgiving, nothing really formal, all just taken for fun.

Plus, I will have to admit that I have fallen in love with the Fruit of the Loom commercials. Here is my favorite one, please take a moment to enjoy.

Feeling Left Behind

I feel as if I must warn you before you read my post. This is me whining.

Thanksgiving, a time to be with family, filled with good food and warm feeling towards each other, a holiday I enjoy every year. Except this year was different. For the first time in 9 years I have not had anyone come with me; for the first time since grade school I felt very, very alone. I found my self rushing up to Chico Friday morning not for work, but to be with someone. When I arrived I realized that there was no one waiting for me, that I had no one to call to come over, I had no one to hold, I had no one.

Everyone has moved on. Lizzy had her boyfriend who will marry her likes she wants. Stephanie is in a relationship that she fought to obtain. Jenn has move on, and fell in love all over again. Hannah moved back to her family, leaving Chico and everyone behind. Here I am, standing still, watching the world pass me by.

All I want is someone to hold, someone to fall asleep next to, someone who I can fall in love with, someone who will love me back. Yet, unlike the past I do not want to rush into anything, I want to fall in love, put everything on the line, gamble, and see if she responds.

I have become paranoid. I will check my cellphone several times a day seeing if anyone has called, and when the message board is blank, my heart sinks a little bit lower. . . a little bit lower. When I receive a text message, my stomach becomes entangled in knots, because I know that she is happy with someone who is not me. The funny thing is I don't exactly know what I'm looking for. I guess a part of me is hoping to hear her voice, telling me that she wants me back, that she can't live without me, that she loves me, and she misses being held by me.

The Silent Ringing Of My Cell Phone

I love it when it rains. Its beauty hits you the first time you walk outside. The only thing you hear is the wind and the rain cleansing your surroundings. The scent of wet leaves invokes memories of hot tea and exotic potpourris at some distant herbal store. And as you walk you start to feel as if you are walking on new ground.

I was sick this weekend; it knocked me out for 3 days. This weekend I felt a way that I have not felt in a while: alone.

I've been sick before, but someone was always there to take care me, to keep me company, to hold me. But this weekend, for the first time, no one was there.

It first hits you when you notice how quite your phone is. No one calling to check up on you, no one seeing what you’re up to. The next thing you notice is at night, when your bed seems so big because you are the only one in it. That is the one thing I truly miss about relationships; sleeping together (Stephanie was over almost every night for 2 years. I hate sleeping alone). Lastly, how alone you feel when you wake up, no one there to snuggle with before you must start your day.

Now I must clarify Topher and David did help and they were there, but you know what I mean. I hate being alone.

Let's Shake Things Up

Well, after 145 postings and almost 18 months of the same bland template, I thought it might be time for a little change.

What do you think?

Walking Shasta Dam

This is North America's largest concrete dam. You could build a 3 feet wide by 3 inches deep sidewalk around the equator twice with the same amount of material. Dam!

More Oliver Stone

I got to shake his hand. How sweet is that!

Oliver Stone Here @ Chico State

Let The Lame Duck Presidency Begin!

Oh what a great day to be a Democrat in America! Regardless of your political affiliation, yesterday was proof that democracy is alive and well in the US of A. Unlike many other midterm elections, Americans came out in force to vote. Around the country many faced long lines, glitches in voting software, harassing phone calls, and even a shooting that forced the lock down of a polling place here in Chico. Yet, through all this, we spoke in one unified voice that said "We are tired Mr. Bush." Some may argue that we have been in a lame duck presidency since 2005, which I will agree with; but today, November 8th 2006 is the official beginning of the end of Mr. Bush's administration.

For the first time since the 1992 through 1994 period under President Clinton the Democrats are in the process of gaining majority in both houses. With the House confirmed (congratulations to Nancy Pelosi becoming the first women and Californian speaker of the house) and the Senate one member away (all eyes on Virgina), it looks as if the next two years are going to be a wonderful time for social programs and the mental/physical wellbeing of America and the World.

And as if this day could not get any better, God smiled upon us and gave us one more reason to smile: Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. Now here is a man that weeks ago blamed all the problems with Iraq on the Generals and other leaders fighting the war; never once taking blame for anything that has gone wrong. He needed to resign a long time ago, and I am happy he finally came to his senses and quit. Maybe now Bush will listen when we say we want our friends, our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, to come home.

The G.O.P was put on notice yesterday, they are now forced to listen to what we, the American people, want. Somewhere down the road during the 12 years that they had control they lost sight of what we sent them there for, to better America. Even the country's top Republican (Schwarzenegger) took notice, and subsequently retooled his campaign, became one of the the first in his party to move to the left, support green technology and stem cell research, distance himself away from Bush, and won reelection. The key point is we, the Democrats, no longer need to move to the right.

It is a great time to be a Democrat in America.

It is a great time to be an American.

This country, if not the world, is about to change, and for the better.

Oh What A Find

Now what is so special about these stamps? Let me tell you on how I came to find this item.

It all started with Toph giving me a call right after work. He was looking to smog his car, and asked if I knew of any good places in Chico. Since I can only smog my car at home (It is registered in Loomis where Smog Check II is required [about $60]. Chris registered his car here, in Chico, where Smog Check I is required [about $40]), I asked a coworker if he knew of any good places. He recommended a place called "Smog Busters" up in Paradise.

Now this place is cool. It is a combination garage, deli, coffee shop, and antique store. So while we were waiting for them to finish on Chris's car, I took the opportunity to look around.

That is when I found these. . .



This is a sheet of 20 Marilyn Monroe stamps from 1995, unused, "mint" condition. Price: $10.50

So after some debate, I decided to buy them. When we got home I grabbed the stamp catalog I usually order from to see how much they are going for.

I was shocked.

They are going for $49.95



What a find indeed!

Oh My God! It's Back!

THAT'S RIGHT BABY! THE McRIB IS BACK!
(Panda, you know what I'm talking about!)

One Month Three Days

One month and three days. That is how long Jenn and I lasted. One month and three days.

Last night, after work she came over. The night started with the infamous lines "we need to talk."

The key topic: age.

To be honest I always thought that I would be the first one to throw in the towel.

I was wrong.

In the end five years was to great for her (myself being 23 and she being 18). We were at a standstill, I did not want to go back to that age (as a side note I admire Toph on how well he interacts with that age group) and she did not want to jump into mine. I always thought it might work out, but after this past weekend I knew thing would be difficult.

Jenn is at that stage in life that we all went through, and most of us do not want to return to. Fresh out of High School and newly 18, the way she views the world is in the process of changing. Right now, some of her friends are moving away, getting married, joining the service, having children, and in some cases not changing at all. Every experience is new, getting drunk off of cheap beer and liquor because no parents are around, starting your own sexual discovery and identity, and deciding weather or not to enter college or the workforce. We all must go through this for this is what makes us who we are today.

Now I'm not advocating that I have figured out everything in my live, I'm just stating that I do not want to go back to that point. This weekend I saw what I left Loomis for, true childless. A group of people still stuck in the "guess who is dating who" and "guess who's fucking who" mentality of life. I saw how Jenn was struggling to give that life up for me, but in doing so I could see that she did not want to say goodbye.

Last night we parted ways. I will always care for her, she injected the joys of youth into my life. She told me that I showed her what the world has to offer, and in a couple of years she will be ready for a guy like me.

I know your reading this Jenn. I want you to know that you have touched my life. If I can tell you one last thing that would be to live life to the fullest. Understand that right now nothing is impossible. Don't let your friends walk all over you. Stand up for your self and never give up fighting for what you believe in. Realize that you are beautiful and you don't need artificial means to project that. You are entering a stage in your life that will have a lasting effect on how you perceive the world. Enjoy every moment of it, and smile while doing it.

One month, three days. Tick, tick, tick, single.

The End Of A Program

What A Beautiful Day

I love California. On a day where half the country is under snow, extreme cold, or rain, we get a day with warm weather and lots of sun. Plus, unlike other Saturdays, I get to enjoy it.

My shift was cut today due to an over budget of +100 hours. So what am I going to do today? Relax.

Here is my plan for this afternoon:

Buy a paper

Pick up some beer (I'm thinking Alaskan Amber and Lost Coast Great White)

Pick up some cherry pipe tobacco

Maybe have a cigar

Clean my rifle (I haven't cleaned it since I took it to the range)

Relax with David and Toph

I think I can do all this before I have to go to the costume party with Jenn.

Oh, and before I forget, remember to set your clocks back one hour tonight.

A Much Needed Update

A lot has happened since the last time I've posted something serious (which was my recap on the camping trip).

First, I got a quasi promotion at Target. I'm now a Human Resources Team Member, which has the added benefit of teaching me about Human Resources its self. An area I've thought about entering after college. I will admit I'm enjoying the position more than I though I would. I love learning about the rules, regulations, and bullshit that go into running a multi-billion dollar company.

Second, Midterms are over! Enough said.

Third, I bumped into an ex-girlfriend of mine. Most of you remember her (it was Tracy), and it was great. We haven't seen or talked to each other in a little over three years. There we were standing by the library, chatting for two hours, catching up.

Fourth and final: the conclusion to the camping trip saga. On that wonderful night I ended the phone call with "If you want me back you have to fight for me," and to make it a little more difficult "you can't talk to me, you can't see me. I want nothing to do with you for the next couple of days." A week must have gone by. I would come home and there would be flowers in my room, pictures of the camping trip on my door, and notes on my car which would greet me when I would get off of work late at night. I racked my brain trying to figure out what I was going to do.

Do I tell her to leave?

Do I take her back?

What do I do?

Finally, I knew what I was going to do. In an extremely rare moment of forgiveness, and against every fiber in my being, I took her back. I will be honest, the death of my uncle Bill and Pat five years ago had a major roll in my decision. If this would have happened two months ago the my reaction would have been very very different. Yet, I forgave her. I don't know why, but I did. I hope I don't regret my actions.

By the way, here are the pictures from the camping trip. There are no captions because they are pretty self explanatory.

Un-beer-able Camping

If you are wondering, the one of best part of that weekend was meeting a guy named Chris (the guy with the glass of beer). He was an independent beer distributor who happened to bring 2 pony kegs and a portable tap. The beer was ice cold Alaskan Amber (a new favorite of mine) and Bison Creek Ale. Right when he set up camp he introduced himself and told us one thing I will never forget; "Drink as much as you can. I can't finish it all!"

Nothing like camping by a lake in the mountains, with a pack of smokes, unlimited beer, good food, and great friends.

This Has To Be A Record

Here I am, sitting by my computer at 11:20 at night. What's so great about this you ask?

I just got out of a midterm. That's right, I got out of class at 11:01 PM.

The class: HCSV 433 "Financial Management of Healthcare Organizations"
Start time: 6:00PM
How many students were left when I finished: 5

I'm so wiped out, I can barely type.

The Things You Do When Your Driving To The Middle Of Nowhere

On Our Way To Fresno