It is amazing how a movie will make you think.
It is amazing how spending time with your family will make you think.
It is amazing how just going for it will make you think.
It is amazing the stuff you think of when you do not say a word for two hours.
Thinking, spending time to analyze your thoughts. It's simply amazing what you think about.
I just went to go see Click! with my family (minus Robert because he is at a Spain reunion with a couple of buddies). It was one of those movies that shock you. Shock you because it was good, so good that your mind bursts into a million thoughts that you have been suppressing for quite some time. You start to look back at what has passed you by. You remember things that happened years ago, things you promised to do but never got fulfilled. Things you wish you had; love, companionship, true happiness. You wonder if you did one thing differently would where you are now change? If you did something differently would you be with that one person who you know would return the love you project towards them? Should you take a break and watch the world pass you by for just a little while? What do you do?
I did one thing that I never thought I would do; I went for a girl that I thought I never had a shot with. For the first time in my life I wanted a real relationship. I wanted to get to know her, spend time with her, go slow. Toph and David could not believe it, me not wanting to sleep with a girl till I got to know here. I never had a problem finding someone for that reason, and now that I look back at it all my girlfriends that I've had over the past 4 years ended up being my girlfriend after being "friends with benefits" for a couple of weeks.
But she was different. She was special. I forgot how it was to feel scared when you talk, thinking "Am I going to say the wrong thing?" Having butterflies in your stomach everything you are near her yet never wanting to leave her presents. She is the person I always thought I never had a shot with, until I got enough courage and went for it.
I spent so many years of my life living in a world thinking that so many things where beyond my grasp. But now I know that there is so much in front of me, within arms reach. Would I do things differently knowing what I know now? Hell yes, but the past is the past. I can only go forward.
I don't know how she feels about me, and in a way I'm glad about that. Its time I did something where I know its not a sure thing. To quote Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, "Is she worth it?"
Yes, yes she is.
1 comment:
"But she was different. She was special. I forgot how it was to feel scared when you talk, thinking "Am I going to say the wrong thing?" Having butterflies in your stomach everything you are near her yet never wanting to leave her presents. She is the person I always thought I never had a shot with, until I got enough courage and went for it."
Hmmm....You amaze me!! And at the same time confuse me more than I've ever been....I know that feeling. LOL. More than I thought you could have ever imagined, but I guess I was wrong yet again. I guess you do know what it feels like to be on the other side....It's an interesting feeling isn't it?? Questioning every minute, every action, every thought. Gripping so tightly to any moment, any little piece of togetherness before it slips through your fingers like sand on a beach in Maui....Hoping that one day you'll get the courage to ask where it's going. Afraid to ask the wrong things or come on too strong. Trying not to scare the other person away, but worried you might break from the build-up of such strong feelings you've been silencing inside yourself. It's quite a predicament. Who's to say how long one can last? I guess it depends on personal strength....Having no strength left to let go because you're using it all to hold on to that person, that dream, that perfect picture of happiness. Unwilling to let it slip away....
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